There it is, finally — the compliment, the promotion, the degree, the dozens of likes on your new post. Weeks, months or years of hardship to get to this point. The thing you were working for, hoping for, dreaming about, striving towards, has arrived.

But somehow, instead of that deep, nourishing sense of satisfaction, the feeling you had experienced in your mind when you were working towards it – there is nothing.

It does not feel bad or terrible, just emptier than you expected. A lot emptier. It feels a little “Ok cool, what’s next?”.

If you’ve ever felt this — you are not alone.
That strange letdown? It has a name. And a reason.

Let’s talk about what’s really happening – not just emotionally, but neurophysiologically. Because the body and brain have a big role in this story, too.

What External Validation Does to the Brain

First off: it’s not wrong to want external validation. We’re wired for connection, for feedback, for the feeling of being seen and acknowledged. It’s human.

But here’s where it gets tricky:

1. The dopamine trap

When we anticipate something exciting – like praise, approval, recognition – our brain releases dopamine. That’s the neurochemical behind motivation, drive, even joy. But here’s the kicker: dopamine spikes during the pursuit, not the arrival.

So once we actually get the thing we were working toward? The brain settles down. The high fades. You may have expected that reward to feel huge, validating, energizing.

But instead, the system has already moved on. It’s scanning for the next thing.

2. It doesn’t always land — because of our inner wiring

If your nervous system doesn’t feel safe receiving love, praise, or attention – it will quietly reject it. Maybe not consciously. But underneath, old beliefs like “I don’t deserve this” or “They’re just being nice” kick in. Or maybe even a “well, if I could do it, anyone can – so it’s not that special.”

So even the most beautiful, heartfelt compliment? It bounces right off.

And if we’ve been taught to prove our worth through performance or achievement, external validation becomes a temporary band-aid for a deeper wound.

Why Internal Validation Feels So Different

Internal validation isn’t flashy. It doesn’t come with a dopamine rush or a “ping!” on your phone.

But it’s quietly powerful. Because it doesn’t depend on anything outside of you. It builds slowly – through consistency, self-trust and emotional safety. Through knowing that your worth doesn’t rise or fall based on someone else’s reaction.

And your nervous system? It feels that difference. Internal validation is regulating. It calms the system. It says: “You are already enough. You are already safe.”

How EFT Helps Heal the Root

EFT is one of the most effective tools I’ve found for breaking the loop of external validation.

Here’s why:

When we tap, we calm the nervous system. We signal to the brain: we’re safe now. And in that calmer state, we can start to explore the deeper beliefs — the ones that say “I’m not enough,” or “I need to earn love to be worthy.” These beliefs often come from long ago, and they’re wired in emotionally.

EFT gently rewires those patterns. You’re not just thinking different thoughts — you’re teaching your body a new reality. A reality where you’re already enough.

From there, validation still feels nice – but it’s not what you need to feel whole.

Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong for wanting to be seen. It’s beautifully human. But chasing external validation without anchoring in internal safety is like pouring water into a cup with a hole in it – it’ll never feel full for long.

If you’re ready to fill your cup from the inside out, EFT can be a life-changing starting point. You’re allowed to feel safe. You’re allowed to feel proud. You’re allowed to know you’re enough – without needing someone else to say it first.

And if you ever want help exploring those deeper beliefs, I’m just a message away. 🤍